Am i getting worse at online dating

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Then again, I am not sure I would like what that attracted. More and more, the internet is becoming a medium that people turn to in order to work, play, and stay in touch — so why not be able to meet new people every now and then? I belong to a dating site and have met a number of attractive and interesting girls — none of them have worked out for various reasons, but they are all women that I would have not met otherwise.

I think the key is to get to meet people in person sooner rather than later, in online dating. In this way, it just a way to get more regular dates. As, being unnatural, it is. But, if you do meet somebody special it won't seem so unnatural, then. Well, after having some time to think about all of this, i have come up with some thoughts.

They are not final, but good ones nonetheless! In regards to the online 'sleaze' thing, i agree. It is not my ideal, but in your case, it might be a good idea just to try it. The reason i say this is because it is like wondering about a particular food. You won't know until you try it and sometimes it's a process of elimination. I think what Madmarten says, it should be 'complimentary', is true. Complimentary meaning 'in addition to' It might be a good idea to play them like they'll play you something i dismally failed at.

And whilst you suggest you can identify 'deal breakers', half the fun of getting to know someone is finding both negative and positive stuff out. And, who's to say that you will identify their dealbreakers anyway? It is pretty hard to tell what someone is really like from a batch of letters and numbers on a screen. So, yeah, if you give it a go, be realistic about it. Do not have any expectations. Having said that though, don't lose faith in the natural process.

I have been burned by it. I met someone whom i had a slight connection with, only to suspect now that they were using a series of lines on me, to open the conversation up. And in relation to your comments Just M. The other thing is, no matter how fabulous you portray yourself to be in your profile, the truth always comes out.

It has a way of surfacing, like cream does to milk. I think, personally, most people don't like to be taken for a fool, so that's why they keep it 'light' at the start. It's just a shame that when somebody who is actually authentic joins, they are treated with this distance, thus making them retreat.

Just remember, be yourself and be prepared for the churn and burn. what a wonderful post, thank you! I will do as u suggest and give it a try, in addition to and not instead of. Sorry my post is brief and devoid of smilies, lol, but i'm posting this from my phone and its killing my thumbs! Thanks again x. Well, i've done an about turn on it sorry , having thought about it further and coming to the conclusion that it is not for me But, i still think you should try it.

I stand by what i said before though about having low expectations, absolute honesty and toughening up. Those are the things you need to do imo to try to make it work for you.

I went into it thinking that i could make some friends and if anything came out of it, it would be a bonus. But, after realising that it is no different to being in a bar, minus the alcohol, it is not for me. I find it too hard to 'read' people over the internet. And, now i am going to be suspicious of anybody who clicks on my profile, so there's no point really.

I've decided i am going to spend some time on me, getting to know myself a bit better, forming clearer goals, and trying to be happy with who i am. Hopefully there'll be a couple of people out there who want to be friends, minus all the BS, and hopefully that special one will be out there somewhere, and will share my attitude towards online dating.

Good luck and let us know how it goes! I'm sure you will find some support here if it doesn't work out for you not saying it will, not saying it won't. Just letting you know. You sound like a pretty cool guy. oh gosh you've planted a big seed of doubt now! My thoughts on it are the same as yours and i'm loath to go the online route, for the exact reasons you give. Dont know what to do now! Oh Papillion, i am sorry i have done this to you.

Honestly, i have thought about this a bit more and feel it is not right for me, but i had to do it to come to this conclusion. In a way, it might be good for you to try, purely for the purpose of satisfying your curiosity. I can tell you are curious, or at least conflicted, and i am glad there are other people out there who think it will probably suck, but it's like the food analogy i gave you before: if you are curious, it is sometimes better to try so you know.

You may have to be prepared to go through all the weird feelings that i went through, but you never know, it may be different for you. I guess what i am trying to do is inform you of the pros and cons, but mainly the cons, so that you are prepared.

I really think you need to step onto the other side to truelly satisfy your curiosity. Just make sure you don't lose your values along the way, that is important. I really believe in the natural process. I can't explain, it's like something has clicked inside of me and confirmed it. What have you got to lose? A bit of money. FYI, i chose the 3 month option so that i was not wasting money on a membership i may not use in the future.

Pap, I just had a look at your pic You seem like a really cool guy! I don't think you need to online date, but i can understand the need to do it if you are a bit lonely By Redvelvet94 , October 18, By JSouth , June 5, By Cool Character , April 14, By sarahhh , April 13, By Jakeissorry Started Monday at PM.

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By mgirl , June 13, in Dating Advice. I've recently tried online dating, only cos i don't get to meet many people and the friends that i do have like going out drinking, and i do not.

thereforeee, i find myself with a lot of time alone. So, i am wondering, all prejudices and judgements aside, do you believe that it is possible to meet somebody suitable through online dating?

It seems to be a trial and error process. And, also, can somebody please verse me on the etiquette of online dating? Because i have no clue.

I just really think that meeting somebody in real-life, through friends or work, is so much more natural. Should human beings go out and meet people online?

I would be interested to know whether those of you who 'have' met somebody online feel synchronicity with your partner, or if you feel like there is always something missing: there is nothing like meeting somebody in real life and the build up that ensures. Online dating is about as unnatural as it gets.

You get to know someone in the complete absense of chemistry or biological attraction. However this doesn't mean it works any less than going to a bar or meeting someone on the street It just means that IF the relationship fails, it often fails for a different reason.

Think of online dating as networking. Meet a person ASAP. Don't invest a ton of time e-mailing or on the phone. A few e-mails, a call or two, and you should be meeting for coffee. And there is no reason that fate and online dating have to be mutually exclusive of one another. The process of online dating seems so contrived, and that is not what love is all about. Love should be an beautiful and unfolding process, much like a flower.

And, what better than the natural process of meeting somebody and then discovering that you like them? Online dating seems more like a process of elimination that a beautiful happening.

Or, am i too old-fashioned?! But, i can't help but cling to the fact that meeting somebody in real-life and feeling the chemistry is important to me. mgirl, your thread has taken the words right out of my mouth. This is exactly what i am thinking, feeling and wondering. like you, i am tempted by online dating but feel its somehow wrong, almost like it would taint the relationship somehow.

I'm sure that everytime anyone ever asked how we'd met, i'd be embarrassed to say "on an internet dating site". I agree with what was said about meeting ASAP. Coupla e-mails, then meet. Otherwise it's not real is it? I just can't explain it.

I get the whole "i am tempted" thing too. Somehow i feel i've either got to subscribe to the sleaze, or be myself and battle the odds, and cling to my beliefs. I'd advise against online dating.

A large part of communication is in body language, in the eyes, and in real physical experiences. These are vital, I believe, at the start of a relationship. It would seem to me that building a base for communication in real life would be somewhat analogous to building the foundation of your house on a rock.

Building that same base online seems more like building it on sand. If you're lucky, the ground under the sand may be solid, but I wouldn't chance it. After that, it's up to you to make it happen. I met my girlfriend through speed-dating, I really was not gonna go, turns out she wasnt going to either, but we both did for some reason.

I guess it was a mixture of both fate and online dating really, but I'm so glad I gave it a chance. I received loads of messages from sorry to sound harsh really old, ugly men and it just made me sad so I don't really bother now. Yeah, i was just gonna say after lying on the couch and thinking about it that online dating seems to be "churn and burn". In other words, people don't really stick around for long enough to get to know the real nuances and the things that make you 'interesting'.

It seems more about filling a 'criteria', which is one of my pet peeves. In some ways, i feel that my biggest competitors are now online dating sites not that i have ever felt the need to 'compete' , rather than actual people. How ironic is that?! part of me think i'll be damned if i'm gonna give in to the sleaze and do something i've always sneered at, and part of me thinks well how the heck else am i gonna meet someone.

i dunno. it sucks really. Cos doing it the "normal" way hasnt got me anywhere, so maybe i should try the "other" way. At least i get to narrow it down a bit before i meet someone. If you meet someone randomly in "real life" it could often be months before you find out things about them you dont like. This way you can weed out potential dealbreaking issues. I'll get back to you tomorrow with a view. Tonight, i have a lot to think about. The whole 'faith' versus 'expedience' thing i'm tending to think a bit of both in your case, but don't lose the faith, if you know what i mean.

Btw, your username reminds me of "Papillion" by Njoi. Being a Brit, i'm sure you can relate. yeah I see what you mean. Some of these men were in their 60's and I am 26, I think it's pretty sick really.

I also got messages from a few people, and after ignoring them they just kept bombarding me with messages constantly. I think that is quite worrying too. Also there were people who were saying things like, "you are just what I have been looking for, I would love to start a relationship with you", they dont even know me!!!! I will definitely get back to you.

I have a lot to think about tonight. A part of me wants to oppose those sites so much and be subversive and become an advocate against dating sites. I am teetering and don't want to fall over the edge. I really like the idea of meeting people or 'somebody' through natural means, and don't want to lose the faith. I met my now ex girlfriend online. We were together for 3 years. It was quite natural i think and it gives you the opportunity to meet someone you never would have in real life.

if you see a girls profile you like just a simple message to start " hey, you seem like a nice girl, fancy a chat sometime". They will get the message and look at your profile, if they like what they see then they will reply.

Keep it casual for a few messages then ask for her MSN email address think she asked me i cant remember. DONT say something stupid like a lot of guys do on dating sites and say something like wanna meet and {EDIT} apparently girls get a lot of these messages, my ex said i was the only one she replied to because it wasnt seedy. We spoke on MSN almost every night and found we had a lot in common so we met up 2 weeks later in the middle of the city.

We had a great day together, lunch, cinema and a drink after but although we got on really well the spark wasnt really there, we thought each other was nice and we might have had something then but we didnt. We had low contact for about 2 months after that then all of a sudden we started talking again on MSN one night, we kept it up for another 4 months, met up again and we hit it off right away, I had been to the gym a lot and wasnt skinny and she looked amazing.

We started a 3 year relationship where we saw each almost every day for the first 6 months and it was great because we were relaxed around each other and had a good connection to build on, and knew what each other liked.

We never once thought hey we met on the internet and its weird. It ended 3 years later because i got lazy and neglected her. oh and never EVER tell a lie, girls remember everything.

I did meet a few other girls online and it could have went somewhere but i wasnt too interested. its just another way to meet people its not weird at all and more people are trying it. i say it cant hurt to try. I can't say I like it, but for many living away form a city or if you don't have an opportunity to meet people elsewhere, it is a source.

I think like everything else, there is a mix of good and bad. I can't do "shameless self promotion" and it seems that is a part of the success of it. Then again, I am not sure I would like what that attracted. More and more, the internet is becoming a medium that people turn to in order to work, play, and stay in touch — so why not be able to meet new people every now and then? I belong to a dating site and have met a number of attractive and interesting girls — none of them have worked out for various reasons, but they are all women that I would have not met otherwise.

I think the key is to get to meet people in person sooner rather than later, in online dating. In this way, it just a way to get more regular dates. As, being unnatural, it is. But, if you do meet somebody special it won't seem so unnatural, then.

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